Why Blaming Feels So Good - Until It Doesn't
You know the things you laugh at because the person sharing is hitting on something you know SO WELL? And that thing is something you don't really talk about?? Yea, that!!
This animated video had me legit LOL'ing.
My name is Samantha and I'm just gonna leave this one right here...!!
If you aren't familiar -- Dr. Brené Brown is a researcher + storyteller from the University of Houston and her work has transformed my life. She's real + raw + literally changing the world.
I consider her a mentor.
{ Back to this video. }
I think what makes Brené Brown's work + words + wisdom resonate SO deeply with this recovering perfectionist + recovering blamer is her mastery of empathy.
She doesn't talk at us. She sits WITH us.
She doesn't stand on a soap box, and shout out all the things we should be doing better. Or give us lists of advice we should take.
And, that feels SO different.
It feels so refreshing in a world of Top Ten Lists of Things We Need To Do. RIGHT. NOW.
She owns her shit.
She stands WITH us. Because, there is no ‘other.’
She stands firmly in her feet, unafraid to admit that she too — even knowing all that she knows— falls. And feels deeply.
In return, she gives us permission to do the same.
I am forever grateful for her shining light in this world. For her work AND for her ability to sit WITH us.
And, this. I was legit LOL'ing. Because, this meeting was made for me. {see video!}
//
I'm a work in progress too. We all are.
And, I'm no longer afraid to OWN that part of my story.
I will say - that the more I lean into my emotions with curiosity and love (read: the opposite of judgement), the less I find myself trying to run from it. Numb it. Burying it. And throw it on to others.
I judged + blamed others for so many years -- even though I kept most of it inside my own mind.
What I've learned. My judgement + blame of others had nothing to do with them and everything to do with the inner critic who had hijacked my mind. The one trying to protect me from feeling. And falling.
That judgement + blame was merely an outward reflection of my inner world.
The thing is -- it didn't protect me from anything but freedom.
Struggle is universal.
Our true strength is found inside our struggles.
Not in the hiding + proving + pretending.
Owning our struggle doesn't mean we sit in it. Or excuse actions that aren't in alignment with our values or vision.
Owning it means — releasing the judgement + blame around it. It means cultivating the skills needed to feel the emotions under the surface. To ride the wave.
Emotions are part of the human experience.
Not running. Not numbing. Not judging. Not blaming. Not shoving.down.all.the.feelings. It's new for me too.
And at times, it's HARD.
We can do this kind of hard.
I believe in you.
//
Samantha Arsenault Livingstone is an Olympic Gold Medalist, high-performance coach, transformational speaker and mother of four girls. She is the founder of Livingstone High Performance, LLC. and the Rise Free Academy.
Samantha helps female athletes and working women to cultivate the habits, mindset and skill set needed to quiet the noise and unapologetically step into their light, so they can achieve, AND feel fulfilled along the way.
Samantha earned a master’s in education and spent six years teaching science at Norcross High School in Gwinnett County, Georgia. In 2014, after a traumatic and perspective-shifting experience involving her young daughter, she took a leap into the world of entrepreneurship to live her dream.
Samantha candidly shares her battles with her inner critic, depression, perfection, PTSD and parenting as a working mother because she believes in the transformative power of story – and the strength that comes from knowing we are not alone. She is on a mission to pay forward all that she’s learned to help others find joy and live free.
A mama of heart warrior and mama of twins, Samantha and her husband, Rob, live in the Berkshires with their four girls. You can learn more about Samantha at www.samanthalivingstone.com.